That isn't impressi-WTF DO ME NOW
by ShinodaChan
Summary: Freeza and Caulifla's relationship is complicated, to say the least. Despite this Freeza is confident that no matter what Cauli does she can't surprise him, something that he really shouldn't have thought. (Freeza x Caulifla One Shot smut)


Coming into the day, Freeza wasn't expecting to be surprised.

For the past several years he and Caulifla, the U6 Super Saiyan prodigy had been married and quite happily created a family with several children. They had been through ups and downs, highs and lows (quite literally in terms of their sexual affairs) and successfully managed to maintain their love for eachother throughout. It was a strange pairing admittedly but not an impossible one and as onlookers watched and jobbed over time it became clear that the two were inseparable.

However, despite everything she had done for him Caulifla had never managed to surprise Freeza. In fact, Freeza had only been truly taken off guard once in his life when he had managed to cut himself in half back on Planet Namek. Most other times (including Goku's transition into a Super Saiyan and later Vegeta's ascension into Super Saiyan Blue) were within expectations, especially since he had known of the Super Saiyan form thanks to legend. So on the day Caulifla and Freeza were out celebrating their 15th anniversary he didn't have any expectations out of the ordinary or plans for something unexpected. To him, Caulifla was amazing the way she was and what she would bring already was more than enough.

"Come on, slowass!" Caulifla hollered over the wind, flying in an arc above him as the two made their way to the destination Cauli had picked out already. "It seems a little early to be turning into an old man!"

"I'd be happy to agree with you, woman." Freeza replied snarkily, "But the idea of conceding to the point of a hypocrite is quite distasteful to me."

"Oooh, a hypocrite. I'm so offended."

"Not enough?" Freeza asked, "How about a rampaging slut vegetable hybrid then?"

Caulifla rolled her eyes. "Hmph. Good enough." And despite her seeming lack of emotion, Freeza could tell from years of experience that he had hit her where she loved it. Freeza 1, Caulifla 0.

It didn't take long for them to get to where they were going: A small clearing in the middle of a forest nearby to Mount Paozu. The area was void of anything except for grass and the lone trunk of an oak at its center, the bark seemingly staring the pair down as they landed.

"I assume you got this all ready yourself?" Freeza said, looking around the field with an unimpressed frown. "Seems rather dull to me, darling."

"Oh as if you would know." Caulifla replied, walking over to the trunk and getting on top of it before she turned to face her husband. "The last time you tried to do something special it consisted of multiple mutilated corpses, a burned down cake factory and a sight of pure destruction that nearly scarred Fridgette for life."

"Those cake people had it coming to them." Freeza shot back, "But I guess it wasn't _ice_ of me to do that."

Caulifla looked at him in dumbfounded silence. "Did...did you just use a pun?"

Freeza shrugged. "Perhaps, but I wouldn't be surprised if your monkey ears just heard something they wanted to."

"I fucking hate you."

"I hate you too, Cauli. Now tell me why we're here."

"With pleasure, Sir Tripsalot." Caulifla said before tugging at the hem of her top and pulling it over her head without a second thought. "You sure don't seem excited for this, you know." she continued as she removed the rest of her clothing. "Less than usual, that is."

"I'm just saving my excitement for when you do something unique!" Freeza remarked, the sarcastic innocence in his tone lighting a fire between Caulifla's legs. "If you can, that is."

"Oh, so cruel." Caulifla said, blowing a strand of her out of her face as she tossed her shirt and pants off to the side and stretched, allowing Freeza a look at her. "You must have a dark, mysterious past."

Freeza nodded, walking over to his wife and smirking as he looked her dead in the eyes, Caulifla returning the look with a grin.

"I must," he admitted, "but it's hard to tell since I got this lucky."

"About time you showed up." Caulifla scolded, slapping Freeza in the face.

"What, am I not allowed to torment my bitch?" Freeza said, shrugging off the blow. "I thought you enjoyed it."

Caulifla took the moment to press herself into him, her breasts lighting up in pleasure as she rubbed against Freeza's smooth and plated chest. "I do." She replied calmly, "I'm just waiting for you to do something unique."

Freeza laughed and lightly pushed her off him, Caulifla smiling as he did so. This was their game: Antagonize the other as much as they could and see who would come out on top. It was a never ending competition, one that neither usually won due to passing out midway due to exhaustion. Today however Caulifla had something different in mind.

"Alright." Caulifla said, putting her hands on her hips and putting on a semi-serious expression. "This is how it's gonna work: You fuck me immediately, straight in the vagina. You do it once, you do it as hard as you can and we're done here."

Freeza raised an eyebrow. "That impatient?" He mused, "I'd think you would want to do this for hours."

Caulifla smirked and spread her hands over her body as she gave Freeza her a confident look. "Oh, I know. But this'll feel the same."

Freeza nodded, beckoning a hand like one would to a pet. "Go on then. I'll let you get started."

"You sure?" Caulifla replied, pouting. "You may get a heart attack from how amazing this is going to look." A yellowish aura began to light up around her as she followed up with, "It may even make you cry a little."

Freeza chuckled, quietly anticipating what Caulifla had planned.

Caulifla closed her eyes and with concentration the yellow glow around her flared into a bright cone of flame, highlighting her hair and eyes as she ascended into a base Super Saiyan.

"The form I first fucked you with." Caulifila noted before channeling further, grinning as blue sparks of electricity flared into life in the aura and her hair rose up.

"The form I fucked with you to make Kuriza with." Caulifla said, stretching her arms experimentally. "And my personal favorite, of course."

"You only say that because the electricity bugs me and it doesn't have super long hair." Freeza pointed out.

"Exactly, idiot." Caulifla said, "Why else would I like it so much?" She put a hand to her chin and as if she were considering it she added, "But speaking of long hair…"

Putting her hands to her sides and gripping her fists Caulifla went to the next level once more, gritting her teeth in both pain and pleasure as the feeling of her ki going crazy excited her. While this transformation took longer than the others it didn't take long for her to finish, looking up to her husband with a smile as he regarded her.

"Ah yes," Freeza said, "The blindfold form. Are you intending for me to dominate you today, dear?"

"Not exactly." Caulifla replied, frowning all of a sudden as she looked down at her arms. "Being serious, this next part is going to be tricky."

Freeza tilted his head. This was new. "Tricky?" He inquired. "For you? You've never had a problem with Super Saiyan 3, correct?"

"Right." Caulifla said, "But this part is a bit hard to do."

And on that note, a giant red burst of energy flared out around Freeza's love, the red burst of light temporarily overtaking the yellow before it reappeared under the surface of what appeared to be…

"The Kaioken?" Freeza said, curious. "Mixed with Super Saiyan 3?"

From her position on the trunk, Caulifla nodded as she struggled to move, the stress on her body now unbelievably hard to manage.

"Hmm." Freeza spoke, walking around Caulifla in a circle as he assessed her form and the aura surrounding it. With an experimental move of his tail he swished it at the light, the energy crackling against the appendage as it cut through like a knife through fog. "Interesting. You're maintaining both of those forms at once by making your ki incredibly dense and compact, correct?"

Caulifla nodded again, unable to do otherwise with the strain. Freeza could see the pain on her face and with a nod he motioned for her to continue. "I doubt this is what you wanted to show me." he said, "Especially since Goku already told me this was possible after one mastered ki control."

 _Although, she doesn't look half b-_ Freeza began before he was cut off by the world imploding all all around him.

The explosion was gigantic, a giant rupture around the clearing and forest for miles wide as thousands of trees and countless animals were thrown back by a sudden burst of power. Freeza himself wasn't moved from his spot but the sudden implosion of his wife returned his full attention to her, the glow around Caulifla now beginning to radiate incredibly bright. As he watched the glare only more intense and around the pair the explosions of energy continued, appearing in seemingly random bursts of energy as the area for miles around was decimated by whatever Caulifla was doing to herself.

 _Now this,_ he thought, _is my type._

The aura Caulifla was contained in, now a blinding cone of light began to rise off the ground as it pulsed with power with Freeza taking note as multiple columns of dormant ki present in the air and land began to be sucked in to fuel the transformation. The experience was angelic, a degree to which it could be heavily compared to his own transformations into Golden Freeza.

"Very nice, Caulifla." Freeza called, his tail idle despite the now chaotic winds that were ravaging the clearing. "But I think this is a little long for theatrics."

As if she could hear him the cone of energy turned a vibrant reddish pink and before he could react it drained the color out of everything, turning the land a dark gray. For a long moment everything stood still and Freeza watched patiently as the cone of energy hummed, the only sound in the air. It was like looking up to a beacon of light or as Freeza would more appropriately put it a beacon of absolute destructive power. And silently, somewhere deep inside his soul the Emperor of the Universe didn't want the light to disappear. But all good things come to an end. With a surprising lack of drama the energy cone fizzled and disappeared out of existence, a lone figure dropping down from where it had been. Nothing else had changed about the scene: The land was still gray, the area was still dead silent. Even the animals had stopped moving, something Freeza could confirm as he looked at a nearby bunny. It was like time had stopped except for the two of them.

And then he saw her, and for the second time in his life Freeza felt genuine, fear inducing surprise chill his bones.

Caulifla's yellowish and red glow had completely faded to leave her in her base form, something complimented by her hair returning to black. Everything else however had changed: Her hair, albeit slightly shorter had taken on a new shine and was still far longer than it usually was. Her eyes were a bright animalistic yellow with darker rims around them, seemingly glowing as they glared at Freeza. She had gotten taller as well but this last part was hardly noticed in comparison to the two major differences in Caulifla's appearance: Where her body had previously been nude in most regions was rose-colored fur, covering her body entirely save for her face, neck and most of her chest though her cleavage was still for the most part visible. The other change was something Freeza hadn't seen in an extraordinarily long time, a tail. Stretching from the small of Caulifla's back was a long, monkey-like tail covered in the same fur as the rest of her body, moving around slowly as its owner waited for a reaction to her new form. All in all, Caulifla had become something that Freeza had never expected to see.

"What-" Freeza started, dumbstruck as he backed up a step. "How...A tail? Fur?"

Caulifla grinned, a sly expression that was only bolstered by her new look. "Oh? You like this?"

Seemingly against his will Freeza nodded slowly, still trying to process the idea of what his wife had become. This and the look on his face only made Caulifla laugh.

"It isn't as complicated as you think." Caulifla said, stepping forward until she was relatively close to the Emperor of the Universe. "But I know you're not one for stories. Or patience in general, really. So let me ask:" Caulifla laid down and stretched her legs, showing Freeza that her lovebud was still intact despite the fur. "Would you like to fuck or figure out this first?"

It took Freeza less than a millisecond to choose.

"Mine." Freeza said quietly.

Caulifla raised an eyebrow. "Hm?"

"Mine." Freeza repeated, this time a bit louder. "Mine mine mine mine."

Despite her new form and its enhanced power Caulifla couldn't help but feel a little uneasy at this sudden development. "Mi-" She started before Freeza soared up into the air and into the clouds, seemingly out of sight. She considered getting up to follow him but stopped when she saw a bright golden flash and heard him begin to shout in the distance, getting closer with each word.

"Mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE-"

On the last "mine" Freeza flew out of the sky and crashed into his wife straight on, gripping her arms down with both hands and waving his tail around with a crazed expression on his face. One of pure, unrestrained lust.

"Mine."

* * *

(Meanwhile at Capsule Corp)

Vegeta was having a nice conversation with Bulma about Bulla and how he had handled her first "boyfriend" when he had felt the jolt. It was a strange feeling, one that made him stand up suddenly and make his stomach feel nauseous as if something bad had just exploded inside of it. The reaction on his face was quickly noticed by a previously angry Bulma, who know looked at her husband with curiosity.

"Everything okay Vegeta?" She asked, standing up to his height but not approaching him out of consideration for his pride.

Vegeta paused for a moment, letting the moment disappear as he breathed in and out.

"Yeah," he said, "Just felt like something was wrong there for a moment." He turned his head toward the horizon and continued, "As if there was a disturbance in the universe."

* * *

Freeza, having at some point become Golden on his flight had fully pinned Caulifla down everywhere save for her tail, of which was moving around wildly as it attempted to comprehend what was going on. Not just in the idea that Freeza had pinned her down, but in the sheer adrenaline rush of hormones she had felt the moment she had seen his expression.

 _Really glad I told him to fuck me directly now._

Freeza didn't waste his time on talking, a first in a long time. No, this was sex time. And he was going to fuck the absolute FUCK of his wife. Within a few seconds the tip at the top of his tail had opened to reveal a small opening and the Emperor of the Universe had with great ease spread his woman's legs far and wide, revealing the hole for the key.

"Hey dumbfuck!" Caulifla called out, yelling as hard as she could to try and get Freeza's attention. "If you don't go all out I'm gonna kick your ass, this form has enough power to-"

Caulifla was cut off by Freeza's lips on her own, a passionate and long moment that silenced every complaint in her brain. When their kiss was done Freeza looked her and she could feel nothing but absolute dominance resonating from his form.

"You explain. I fuck." He said icily, and on that note he jammed his tail inside of her awaiting body.

Caulifla screamed, hard. She had known Freeza's tail was incredibly sharp from previous entries into her body but the force and determination of the thrust were something she had never felt before, as if she had finally unlocked his true desire to screw her. It was fast, too. FAST FAST FAST.

"FAST!" Caulifla half-shouted half-moaned, buckling as Freeza began to thrust into her at an incredibly rapid pace. "FAST! FAST FAST FAST FAST FAST FAST FAST FAST HOLY FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK THAT SHIT IS FAST!"

Freeza either ignored her or couldn't hear her, his eyes burning red as he continued to screw her. Blood began to pour out of Caulifla's vagina as the thrusts became more wild and inaccurate, occasionally jabbing at his wife's walls as he attempted to get the overflowing desire out of his system. The jabs continued, only getting quicker and harder as Freeza's aura began to glow a vibrant gold to match his form.

Despite her situation and the overmounting pleasure in her system, Caulifla found the ability to form coherent words as she bounced and groaned in pleasure under her husband's power.

"Super SAIYAN…" she started, "ComBINED...with KAIOken...OH FUCK...THE KI...THE KI GETS TURNED ON. VERY TURNED ON. IT WANTS TO BE...RELEASED, IT'S SO TIGHT...oh my god...SO I CRUSHED THE KI HARDER, CAN I CRUSH IT HARDER ALREADY?"

"Keep explaining, whore." Freeza said coldly, his eyes still blazing with desire as he pushed further into her.

Caulifla took a moment to breathe in and moan, allowing herself the time to relax before the pleasure overtook her and made it hard for her to speak again. "JUST LIKE...A BIG BLACK HOLE. WHEN...fuck...THE ENERGY GETS TOO TIGHT…IT STARTS TO FUCK EVERYTHING AROUND IT. TAKES IT ALL IN, ALL OF IT IN. GOD DAMN IT HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT THIS ELABORATED ON YOU DICK? JUST FUCK ME ALREADY!"

Freeza smiled, a cruel look that could kill a large animal. "I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're saying. Speak up?"

Caulifla's eyes flared red and she shot down her husband with the same look he had given to so many people his entire life. "FUCK. ME. RIGHT. NOW." she shouted, stopping his thrusts by pushing her waist up so that he was as deep inside as he could be inside her. "RIGHT NOW YOU LITERAL GAY DICKHEAD!"

Freeza nodded, and with one final thrust let a large amount of his race's semen flow into Caulifla's body, sending her into ecstasy and nothing but pure white sound.

…

Caulifla woke up on a rough note, wincing in pain as she felt a jab in her lower abdomen. Standing up she looked down her body to see Freeza's tail still inside her, purplish-white liquids around the base as they overflowed from her vagina.

 _He must have passed out with me,_ Caulifla thought.

Sure enough Freeza was lying unconscious right next to her, curled in the grass as he rested off his exhaustion.

"So much for perfect stamina." Caulifla muttered, moving her body carefully until she had managed to spoon herself into Freeza.

Caulifla and Freeza's sex was usually like this, if she was being honest with herself. It was fast, it was intense and above all it could be incredibly confusing to anyone watching. After all at the speeds they were going it would look like it happened in the blink of an eye. But it wasn't the matter of how it happened, if it happened or anything about the details. It just happened.

 _And that's how it's supposed to be._ Caulifla thought, dozing off. _Fuck anyone who says otherwise._

* * *

 **Author's Note: I finally show up with some Cauliza! Alright, explanation time.**

 **Me and my best friend have been spending the past few months doing nothing but watching/writing about DBS and she adores Freeza (Just like I adore Caulifla). She's already asked me to do multiple different ships with them and this is one of them, a special little gift I gave to her for Episode 100 and Caulifla's shining moment. If anyone's wondering the episode was good in my opinion and Caulifla's gotten the plot she needs to become relevant, just a matter of time.**

 **Smut is short because I wanted to be accurate to describe how it would feel to the reader (as seen in the last few lines) and because that's just how they do it. And yes, she's SSJ4. That was a requirement of the fic and so I obliged, sorry if anyone got put off by that. She would look good in fur though :thinking:**

 **Speaking of smut, Succumb Chapter 5 is coming July 26th or July 28th depending on how much work I have to do. It's gonna be a long, shower filled experience and I hope you guys are ready for it. ;)**

 **Please R &R (although you don't have to) and I'll talk to you soon.**

 **-Caulifla**


End file.
